the weather changes

The weather changes every season. Weather changes bring beauty and awe of the beautiful places we live. I live in AZ and the weather is just changing a bit. Our mornings are a few degrees cooler. Our nights are more pleasant, but some of our days are just as hot as can be.  When the weather starts to make its way toward fall, I feel things differently. I feel hopeful.  The beautiful, cool mornings and the orange, pink and blue sunsets stir my soul. It reminds me that seasons change no matter what….and so does life.  For better or worse, with or without my permission, life will change.

The beauty of fall beckons to me to slow down though…I want to sit, to lie, to dream and make the world go away.  I miss having someone to stand still with…to dream with, to have sanctuary from the world with…for some reason, every fall this hits me in the head like a brick.  I am alone. I was listening to a great song this morning but it really makes me sad.  It is beautiful and I love how it moves me and helps me express my loneliness.

if I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemKqzILV4w&ob=av3e

I don’t have anyone to lay with anymore.  I don’t have anyone to just make the world go away with anymore. It feels like it took a lifetime to find him and then in a few, short, fifteen years, he was gone.  I have so many years to walk through without him and that makes me sad.

But, as the season’s weather begins to change, I remember that I will change too.  If I feel these things, if I let my loneliness boil to the surface and am aware of it, maybe I can change that too. As I allow the grief to fill me each time, I change.  The heat of my anger seems to cool and leave me to rest and change. So as fall approaches, I let it come. I say good bye to the summer and look forward to the new changes ahead of me….and the possibility that lonely will leave too.

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3 thoughts on “the weather changes

  1. amy says:

    Sometimes I role over in bed and hug the spot Larry slept. Somehow it gives me strength to get up, along with the tears. Like the song says, forgetting the world for a bit.

    When fall first came in the air, I did not want it- it would take me further away from Easter when Larry died. Today, with the days shortening, darkness in the morning and earlier at night, it takes me to a quiet place to reflect and mourn. blessings, hugs and love

    • cmt says:

      Amy, I find that place of peace too. I am so, so sorry that this is your journey. I still wake up some mornings and wish, hope and pray that I will look next to me and Dave will still be there. I think all changes are so hard…especially when they are in our senses…like weather, smells, shorter days. Thinking of you and lifting you up.

  2. […] The busiest day of the year was October 15th with 41 views. The most popular post that day was the weather changes. […]

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