What will I do when you go away?

I wrote this short story from my son’s perspective in the early months after my husband died.

What will I do when you go away?

Will I laugh, run around will I still want to play?

Will I wrestle with dogs and swim in the sun?

Will I still be happy or will I feel undone?

Who will help me tie my shoes and pick out cool cars?

Who will play the great music and take me on long walks with our dogs? Who will go to the park just to hang and fly kites?

Who will be there real early when mom wants to sleep?

Who will let me eat pudding instead of whole wheat?

When will I get to do these things again?

Will I ever feel so safe?

Will being sad ever end?

Will I feel your arms around me after you’ve gone?

Will there still be a family hug?

Will I see you again? And if so, when?

Will mommy be sad every day of her life?

Will her smile come back?

Will we play, tickle, laugh and sing…even without you?

So many questions I have and nobody knows.

Nobody can tell me and nobody is sure.

I know that you love me and that we are best buds.

I know that you’ll guard me when nobody does.

I know that you’d stay here if you were able.

I know that God will help you and help me and mom.

I know God will be there when I feel like your gone.

I love you, dad. I miss the hugs and the kisses. I miss the wrestling the laughing and silly old days when it was just you and me and that was ok.

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