Second chances…

I’ve always been one to believe in the magic of second chances.  When something goes wrong, there may always be opportunity awaiting me around the corner…when God closes a door, he opens a window…all of those types of ideas have been a staple in my life.  Practice make perfect, there’s always tomorrow and don’t give up have always been a piece of my repertoire.  Dave was my second chance at a happy marriage…and I was his. We had both been married before and it took us a long time and much consideration to marry each other, because neither of us wanted to divorce again.  We took a second chance – we got married and promised not just ‘til death do us part, but that we would not consider divorce.

Well, then the “until death do us part” came.  His death had me reeling.  During the first few years after his death, I seriously reconsidered giving up on second chances.  I began to think it was a cruel thing to teach my children.  I began to think it was the worst idea ever because when it comes to death of someone we love…there are no second chances…they are dead, gone, and their absence in our lives is devastating and unbelievable…well at least that’s how I felt.

Years have gone by now…I’m in year seven without my best second chance ever…and my skepticism about second chances is melting.  Will I ever have a second chance with him? No, not here in this place, in this life…

Here’s the funny thing I’ve come to realize about my second chances…mine are still there.  Dave is gone. That can never be regained, relived, or recouped.  That is done. My love for him…well, that never dies. And second chances for me…well, I guess they don’t end either…until I end them…or I end.  I will always have another chance at most things.  When I have a bad day as a parent, I will be able to make up for it the next day (God willing).  When I have an off day at work, I get to be better the next time.  If my egg soufflé falls the first time, I can still try the recipe again.

I really wanted to give up on second chances when Dave died.  I really wanted everyone to know that there are some things, you really can’t do over.  I really wanted to give up on hope and healing.  Guess what? I couldn’t.  I have that innate hope, that innate drive, that undeniable spirit that keeps my trying even when I fail.  It keeps me moving, breathing and living even when all things seem stacked against me, crazy I know, but it’s still there even when I try to squash it.

Second chances are the things that magic can be made of…if I hadn’t taken a second chance with Dave, I wouldn’t have my two beautiful boys.  I wouldn’t have the experience of a loving, happy marriage…all things that I would never trade…even though I have also suffered greatly because of this second chance.  I may have been able to avoid the pain of heartbreak if I hadn’t succumbed to the hope of a second chance with him, but, I wouldn’t be the woman I am at this moment…without that pain, that love, that marriage…and well without him to love and believe in me.

So, I won’t give up on second chances.  I will continue to hope and believe that there is something around the corner waiting for me.  I will believe that it is never the end when we choose to love.  Second chances can lead to magic…and I never want to give up on that!

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