As the sole parent of two boys, working mom and the other things I do each day, I have made an art of keeping many plates spinning in the air. Do you remember those tricks? The person gets all these plates spinning on sticks and has to run back and forth, constantly spinning the sticks so the plates won’t fall and break. This is how my life works. Everything is so tightly scheduled that one minor mishap can throw me for a mental loop. I keep the plates spinning, spinning, spinning. I’m used to this. I almost don’t even notice it anymore until something sneaks in and throws me out of whack. Then, I start dropping plates.
Recently, I’ve been pretty good at keeping the plates going. I even had the audacity to think I could fit in some time for me. You know, those moments that are precious and few. The moments when I get to be a grown up and relax. I had one of those moments this weekend and it was wonderful. I was even a bit ahead on a few things anticipating this moment. Laundry was done, house was pretty tidy, and kids were in good hands. I had a great few days.
Today, I get an email from someone very dear to me and she is ill. I want to drop everything and make sure she is cared for, but I can’t. I’m spinning too many plates. A little bit later this morning, my car developed some engine issues. Don’t know how bad it is yet, but know it’s going to have to be seen and going cost me some money….the plates are beginning to wobble.
My mind is getting too full.
I know stuff will work out, but sometimes overwhelmed is just where I go.
I feel like if I drop a plate or two it may send all of them crashing down to the ground.
I don’t want to drop them now. I’ve been working so, so hard to balance them. It has taken so long to get the hang of this. I’m going to have to readjust so I can handle the stuff life throws me when I am already in too deep already. I don’t want to feel guilty about taking some time for myself. I don’t want to beat myself up for things that are normal for nearly everyone else. If I start dropping plates though…can I let them fall to the ground? Will I be able to forgive myself?
There was a time when I just didn’t care, but now I do. I want to live a life with quality, not just go through the motions. There was a time when I didn’t really care what happened to me, but now I do. There was a time when I couldn’t face setting goals, now I’m on the verge of achieving a few. I have been feeling better, doing better, feeling more like me again.
So, maybe, if I take a breath, get out of my head a bit and even let a few plates drop, I’ll still be ok. Maybe if I drop some plates this week, they weren’t things I needed to keep spinning anyway. Maybe, just maybe, if I take a continue to take few moments to be happy, I won’t worry so much about dropping them at all.